I’m So Bored 2 Fast 2 Furious Became Interesting

There are movies that need to be seen multiple times to be properly enjoyed.  Jokes which may have fallen flat the first time around end up producing uproarious laughter after the fifteen viewing.  Actions scenes are crisper, dialogue is sharper.  There are also movies which are so bad that they must be viewed again and again to bask in the terribleness of it all. 2 Fast 2 Furious falls into the latter.  The 2003 movie starred the completely wooden actor Paul Walker, non-actor and semi-popular singer Tyrese Gibson, a hot Eva Mendes playing a hot Eva Mendes-type character, and the utterly forgettable Cole Hauser.  No one puts in a great performance; indeed, all but Mendes put in terrible ones.  As previously stated, Walker is lifeless, delivering lines with the charisma of a mummified corpse.  Tyrese talks loudly, that’s for damn sure!  Mendes really does dress well, and look at those gams!  It’s a sight to behold.

The story begins a bit of time after the end of the first movie, with Walker’s Brian O’Conner turning away from law enforcement and on the run due to letting Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel) escape.  One would think that he’d somehow meet back up with Toretto and their adventures would continue, but no.  Diesel had enough of the franchise and wanted to move onto bigger and better things, and so that was out.  The other actor of consequence gone is Michelle Rodriguez.  That means the only two interesting characters from the first film are both absent from the the sequel.  Good start!

Instead, O’Conner (or Bullitt) teams up with Tyrese’s Roman Pearce for 100 minutes of horrible line delivery, vacant stares, uber-unrealistic driving, and random gun-firing.  It’s great!  At one point O’Conner and Pearce are on the run and turn their car completely around, and while driving backwards they actually pick up speed and fire guns out the window.  It’s so ridiculous, so obviously created to look cool, that it’s incredibly fun.  Like the rest of the movie, it’s all flash and no substance.  The plot is pointless and illogical, so I’ll avoid discussing it other than to say that Mendes’ character is hooked up with a drug lord…but she’s undercover!  Or is she double-crossing the FBI?!  Will we ever find out?!  Who cares?!

The movies starts out with perhaps the best unintentionally funny back and forth of all-time.  It happens before a big street race, where everyone’s car is tricked out and so are their women.  O’Conner sees his friend Suki, and they catch up:

O’Conner: “Sup Suki” *nods head*

Suki: “Sup Bullitt”

They so perfectly capture the essence of human friendship there.  Words be damned, head nods and sups are all that are needed to express emotions. Phillip Seymour Hoffman would be proud.

Director John Singleton is, to be fair, not a terrible director.  Or, at least he wasn’t back when he was making Boyz In Tha Hood and Higher Learning.  Since then he’s churned out 2F2F, the updated Shaft, and Four Brothers, where he decided that Tyrese did such a terrific job for him on 2F2F that he’d hire him all over again.  Something magical happened on the set of 2F2F, though.  The street races became crazier, with the nitrous becoming vastly overused, he was given no good actors to work with, and there is no sense of a script.  Singleton does an admirable job in simply taking the leap to make the world completely and utterly unreal.  If he tried to fancy it up with ‘drama’ and real emotions it’d just get in the way the fun mess this turned out to be.  So kudos to Singleton for just letting go of any standards he may have previously had.  Standards would’ve just screwed up the party.

If you enjoy fast cars, lots of obligatory female flesh, horrible acting, and no plots, this movie is for you.  It was definitely for me. Oh shit, and did I forget that Ludacris is involved?! And he says this: “Damn, Suki, uh… When you gonna pop my clutch, huh?”

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~ by Chris on 11/01/2009.

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